Found My Muse in a Bar

“What are you going to call your first book?” Marlene asked, leaning close to Desiree as if the very words she would speak were magical.

Desiree chuckled. Her friend could be such an imp and a romantic. Right now she was positively sappy with support and Desiree loved her for it. “I think I will call it something like ‘Deliciously Evil.'”

“Ooh! Do tell!”

“Do tell what? I haven’t thought out anymore than that and it was just off the top of my head.”

“Will it be romance, adventure, horror…erotica?” Marlene smiled, devilishly.

Desiree burst with laughter. “Maybe it will be all of those!”

“Why not?” Marlene asked, stirring her cocktail. The bar was alive with chatter, interest and the excitement that accompanies the night crowd. “It would sell.”

“That would be awesome. I would love nothing more than to write all day and afford to do it.” I sipped my fruity ale and nibbled on some peanuts. Already scenes were percolating in my imagination.

“It’s entirely possible. Entirely.” Marlene no longer kidded with me. She had fixed her gaze on me, the one that said, “You better make good on your promises because I mean business.”

“You really think I could do this?”

“Of course I do! You’re doing it now!” The band had started and the dance floor was quickly populated. Marlene had to shout, “You’re doing it right now! Look how you changed from third person to first. Just let that imagination loose, girl. It’s been a long time.”

It had been. I’d been trying to fit my writing into my life, into a mold, into a funnel that would condense it to something befitting a good wife and mother as if I were personally responsible for the wholesomeness and salvation of the entire planet. Not that I wanted to write anything that was the polar opposite to such a thing, but somewhere in the vast middle there were limitless stories about everything my heart desired and my mind wrestled with that didn’t conform to the mold I’d created for myself and had tried to stuff myself into. Now that I had Marlene on my side, I knew I could write to my heart’s content.

“Come on, ellie, let’s dance!” she said, calling me by my real (pen) name and not a random character’s name.

I grinned. Marlene knew how to draw me out of myself. There is no Muse better than her. I joined her on the dance floor. Except for a dance with the kids here and there, I hadn’t danced in over thirty years – since high school. It was a sheer pleasure throwing myself into the beat and getting lost in the rhythm. It didn’t matter whether or not I was perfect. It was all about getting immersed in the moment and enjoying myself.

“That’s right!” Marlene shouted in my ear. “Just let yourself go. That’s how you have to write. Remember?”

The biggest smile lit up my face. I remembered! It was like all my favorite Christmases, summer vacations and ice cream cones as a kid all wrapped into one. It was pure, refreshing and without inhibitions. A good feeling welled up in me, the kind of feeling that tells me I am doing the right thing and that I’m on the right track.

Marlene threw her head back and sang with the band without a care in the world. Why I had clamped down on her, caged her, bottle her, I don’t know…and I don’t care. The important thing is that she’s free now and so am I. I threw my head back and joined my voice to hers and the chorus of all the others. That feeling of something good and right just kept on growing.


About ellie azure

I'm a writer living in the real world. No paycheck for my wordage; no pennies for my thoughts. But I still want to write! Topics: What makes me laugh, what pisses me off, what I ponder, and anything else I see fit to write about. View all posts by ellie azure

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